So far, you haven’t been in my dreams. But last night, I did dream of you. It was strange. My conscious mind somehow knew you were gone, but there you were, driving the car I was a passenger in. I don’t know where we were going or what I was doing in a car with you. But, we were having a conversation. We were talking about why you cut me out and if it was because of your drug use. I spoke to you like you were still doing it. For some reason, I told you that you needed to stop and you told me how your addiction began. You said that you were taking a different drug, not expecting it to be laced with heroin. It wasn’t something you sought out or even wanted to start in the first place. But once you had it once, you couldn’t stop. And then you were lost.

Dreams are such tricky business. I don’t think I’m psychic or that I was actually speaking with you last night. I’m sure it was just my own mind searching for answers, wishing I could have them for my own curiosity and closure. But I’d like to think my dream was right and that you didn’t want to do heroin and that you took it once by accident, mixed with a party drug or something. I’m not sure if that’s even possible, but it’s somehow preferable in my mind than believing you sought out a dangerous opioid while trying to self medicate your mental health.

When my dream ended, I don’t think we said goodbye. If we did, I don’t remember. That’s not really what I want though. I don’t want to say goodbye. I want to say hello. I haven’t said hello to you in such a long time. And I miss you so much.