Lunch Thoughts

Remember in seventh grade when we would eat lunch in our English teacher’s classroom instead of the cafeteria? We were learning about irony so our teacher was always playing “Ironic” by Alanis Morissette, which isn’t a good example of irony at all. I didn’t really understand that until much later.

That song came on the radio today while I was driving home from work. It’s not really a strange or rare occurrence. I hear that song occasionally while listening to that particular station, but I just happened to remember our middle school days together today. Such lovely days. If I knew how much adulting would completely suck, I would have never wanted to grow up. So much of our generation shares that sentiment and I’m not sure if it’s just something unique to us or if everyone feels like that.

Maybe it’s the internet. The internet has provided a way to share how you’re feeling with a lot of people and I think it’s a profoundly beautiful thing. No matter how you’re feeling, you can guarantee that if you search enough, you’ll find someone else somewhere in the world who feels just like you.

Growing up, I was always told that computers, technology, the internet, were all very isolating. My parents were always bitching at me to get off of the computer in order to socialize and be “a part of the world.” The funny thing is that I was a participating in the world. It just wasn’t the world that our parents’ generation understood so they felt left out and isolated.

Our lives are governed so much by fear these days. I would love to talk to you about this. If only I could have lunch one more time with you.

Lonely Wishes

For the past two days, I was alone in my house. My mother-in-law has moved in with us you see, so she and my husband went back to get the rest of her stuff. It was strange. Since we moved in, I had not had the house to myself. It was nice. Sure, I missed my husband, but I didn’t miss him as much as I thought. And I think that’s okay.

I’ve always liked being alone. It gives me time to recharge, to think, get things done. My sister is the complete opposite. She always like someone around, to be entertained, to be taken care of. I guess that’s the difference between older and younger siblings. My sister, from the time she entered this world, has never been alone. She always had me. I came into the world alone and got used to it before my sister was born. Psychology: nothing special, nothing new.

Did you like to be alone? You had a step-brother. Whenever I was over growing up, he was never home. Or if he was, he was in his room with the door closed. I don’t think I even saw his face. Just in pictures, in frames, around your parents’ house. Did that make you an only child? I know you loved attention. I know you liked talking to friends at all hours of the night. I wasn’t the only one who would message you at 1:00 am on a school night to share secrets and mundane details of our silly lives. Were you lonely? I wish I had asked these questions.

I wish a lot of things. So many things. We all do.