Hello. It’s been over a month now. I can’t believe it. Time goes by so quickly when you’re preoccupied. Funny how life does that. It distracts you, puts a thousand things in front of you, and then you find yourself wondering what the fuck you were doing for the past thirty days…for the past thirty months. It certainly wasn’t anything productive.

Let me tell you about my life right now. I live in Florida. Yes, that’s right. I moved to Central Florida back in 2017. This August, I’ll have lived here for two years with my husband and two cats in a townhouse in a city located about forty five minutes away from Disney World. It’s hot and humid and it storms every afternoon in the summer and it’s wonderful. People don’t know how to drive properly in this state, but with it being the elderly capital of America, I don’t think anyone would expect any different.

I work in the office of a small business which is not a departure from what my life was up north. I have the weekends off so I can’t complain.

Anyway, that’s enough context. I don’t want to bore you with the mundanity that is always my life. It’s always the same and never interesting. Even when I thought it was interesting, it never measured up to the drama that was your constant reality. I must have reread our online conversations dozens of times in the past weeks and it amazes me how often a new boy was brought up by you. This one you like, this one you don’t, this one you wish liked you, this one stopped returning your texts… I always listened and gave you my advice but you never listened. That was just your way. And I respect that.

From the rereading, I noticed that I didn’t contribute in the same way you did. Shorter sentences, a lot of one word answers. It wasn’t that I didn’t care or that I was uninterested. A lot was going on in 2013 and 2014 and I just didn’t have the emotional capacity to take on any more at the time. I was going through a personal journey – one that I needed to go at alone. And it wasn’t easy for me to articulate that to anyone. We started speaking less and less and then when I got engaged, it stopped completely. I don’t know why. I will never know why.